Eg. Born in a small town in South China in the early 50s, he grew up to be a famous musician.
【分析】這個(gè)句子表達(dá)了兩層思想:1. Born in a small town出生在一個(gè)小鎮(zhèn) 2. grew up to be a musician.長(zhǎng)大成為了音樂(lè)家。這個(gè)句子應(yīng)該分成兩句來(lái)寫(xiě)。除此之外,還需要增加一些信息來(lái)連接兩層思想。
【提升】He was born in a small town in South China in the early 50s. In his childhood he liked to sing. Later he entered a music conservatory. In the 70s, he grew up to be an accomplished musician.
Eg. Daisy, who was the first-year student of college, would go to a par near her school every day in morning, she would bring a small recorder with her, in park she would find quiet corner and listen to a tape of English stories.
【提升】Daisy, a first-year college student, enjoys studying in the park near her school. Each morning she brings a small recorder, finds a quiet corner in the park, and listens to a tape of English stories.